WTF Soul Eater!
by TheSolitaireDiamond
Summary: Some weird stuff happens in the lives of the Soul Eater cast that they don't quite cover in the anime or manga. This story is simply my immature way of writing something that I hope will be at least moderately amusing.


**(BTW I'm not sure if I want to continue this or not so just review or comment or something for yea or nay)**

**Just a regular day at the DWMA…**

"No, dude, if you put sugar on your balls you can get a horse to give you a blow job!" Black Star said excitedly to Kid and Soul.

"Bullshit," Kid replied, "the horse would just bite your dick off."

"No, I agree with Black Star on this one," Soul said. "It's true; it works."

"Even if it did, why would anyone want their dick played with by a horse?" Kid asked impatiently.

Soul shrugged. "I think it sounds cool," he said. "Shit, I'm getting horny. Come on Black Star, let's go jack off in the bathroom."

Black Star raised his fists in the air. "Yahoo!"

Kid sighed. "God, you guys are freaks… Hey, wait for me!"

"Oh, wow, they're going to the bathroom again," Maka said to the girls as they watched the boys from afar.

"That's the third time this morning," Tsubaki said in her soft voice. "Why do you think they go so much?"

"Oh, they're just jacking off," Maka replied. "Soul told me they do it all the time."

"Oh my, I hope they don't hurt themselves."

"Yahoo!"

"Harder, Black Star, get it in deep!" Soul screamed as he and Black Star fucked in the bathroom stall. "Oh, yeah, you sick motherfucker!"

"Agh, agh, agh! Pound it, baby, yeah!" Black Star returned as he rode Soul like a pony.

_Knock Knock Knock_

"Are you guys almost done in there?" Kid questioned. "I need to pound one out, too, you know!"

"Agh, no! Not even close!" Soul yelled in answer. To Black Star he groaned, "Ride me like a stallion, Bitch! Oh, don't stop, don't stop!" He banged his hand against the stall door repeatedly.

"Hey, quiet down in there!" another student in the bathroom said.

"Fuck no!" Black Star shouted. "We'll get as nasty as we need to be!"

Kid turned to the other guy in the room. "Pardon them, if you will, they don't mean to get so raunchy, they just—they have issues," he explained.

"Yeah, sounds like it." The guy left and Kid turned back to the stall that Soul and Black Star were noisily occupying. He sighed. This would take a while.

**Later…**

"I hope you're all ready for today's lesson, class," Stein said to his students. "Because today each of you is taking a photo with me and the attire is very… casual." He grinned. Maka raised her hand. "Yeah, babe, you have a question?" Stein asked.

"Um, Dr. Stein, what exactly is this for?" She asked warily.

"Uh, it's for… information! In our school's data base… Now you all will have to strip down…" Maka raised her hand again. "Problem, Doll Face?"

"I'd prefer it if you didn't call me that," she said through gritted teeth. "Dr. Stein, why do we always have to be naked in these photos? We do this every week!"

He stared at her evenly. "Naughty, Maka, you should never question a teacher's teaching style! Sounds like the naughty girl needs a spanking!" He pointed to the heavens. "To the photo studio!" The class groaned.

**Even later… **

_Mooo! Squawk! Rreowww! Hissss…_

_He's watching that animal-fucking shit again, _Maka thought irritably before she entered Soul's room. He was sitting at his desk staring at the screen on his laptop with his hand down his pants. At the sound of her footsteps he paused the action going on, on-screen and calmly turned to face her.

"Oh, hey, Maka," he said.

"Get your hand out of your fucking pants, Soul!" she said angrily. He slowly retracted his hand, but not before Maka could see him make one final squeezing motion. "You're disgusting."

He shrugged. "Did you want something?"

"I was just wondering if you were going to do the homework for Stein. I don't really see the point of giving him pictures of us in our underwear with an attached list of turn-ons," she said thoughtfully.

He shrugged again. "I thought I might as well do it. It seems easy enough."

She was still unsure. "Well, maybe… I guess you're right. I mean, it's an easy A so I might as well."

Soul nodded. "Try it and you might like it. I know I do."

**Even LATER…**

"That's right you beautiful, asymmetrical bitches!" Kid screamed at Liz and the street girl he was fucking. "Who's your daddy?!"

"The wonderful Lord Death the Kid!" the girls cried in unison.

"Oh, ah, no, that's sick!" Kid yelled sitting up. The girls stopped kissing his chest and gave him blatantly confused stares. "You can't say _I'm _your daddy, that's disgusting!" he whined. "It was a rhetorical question!"

"Oh, we're sorry!"

"So sorry, Lord Death the Kid!"

"Apologies accepted," he said as he lay back down, smirking. "Now continue with what you were doing!"

"Oh, yes, sir!"

"Right away, Kid!"

_Bam!_

The door to Kid's room slammed open and a fit of giggles ensued from none other than Patty as she entered the room and came upon the sight of Kid lying in bed with her sister and a hooker.

"Ooh, what's going on in here? Is it a party?" Patty asked excitedly.

"No, Patty, what have I told you about coming into the room when I'm with a guest?... Or your sister?" He said glancing at Liz. "Now get out!"

"No!" Patty pouted. "I wanna stay for the party!"

"There is no party!" he screamed.

"Oh," Liz began, "make her go away, Kid, I don't want her to be part of this!"

"I'm not going anywhere!" Patty said as she crossed her arms.

"Don't worry, I have the solution!" Kid said triumphantly. He pulled out a bag of white powder from inside a pocket of his unbuttoned shirt and a corner of his mouth twitched upward in a half-grin. "It's snowing, in Death City!"

"Oh, Kid!" Liz sighed. "You always know just what to do!"

He laughed. "Do you want the cocaine, Patty?" He asked wiggling the bag in front of himself. She perked up like a dog and nodded. "Go…" he extended his arm backwards, "get the cocaine!" He threw it out the door and Patty chased after it like a bitch playing fetch. The door closed behind her. "Ah, that'll keep her distracted for a while," he said while he settled back in. "Now, where were we?"

**Meanwhile… **

"Oh, yeah, I think Stein will really like that one!" Black Star said to Tsubaki as he took a picture of her wrapped around the pole they had at their apartment. He was helping her with their homework for class.

"Oh, thank you Black Star." She smiled. "I'm glad I could count on you to help me."

"Of course, Tsubaki," he said. "I'll always be there to help with Stein's special homework assignments!"

She smiled again. "Well, as a reward for helping me I was thinking I could give you a little show all your own."

Black Star's eyes went wide. "You mean you're gonna dance for me?"

"Mm-hm, I think you deserve it. It's been a while."

He nodded. "Yeah, you never pole dance for me anymore."

"I think I'm gonna have to change that." She leaned in closer. "Let's get dirty," she whispered in his ear. It gave him chills.

Tsubaki circled around the pole and somehow made her way to the top of it and spiraled down. Black Star felt himself getting a hard-on as he watched her.

_God, how I've missed this._

**The next morning…**

"Kid always has been one for double trouble," Liz told Tsubaki as the group, excluding Kid and Maka, stood together at school. "He had another three-way with me and this sweet young prostitute last night."

"That sounds nice," Tsubaki commented with a kind smile.

"It was okay. Nothing out of the ordinary," she said with a dismissive flick of her hand. "Kid always likes to surround himself with a lot of girls. He would probably bring Patty into it all if I didn't tell him not to."

"Speaking of Patty, what's wrong with her this morning?" Tsubaki asked gesturing to the dizzy, sick, and confused-looking Patty.

"Oh, she's fine. She's just recovering from a little bag of cocaine Kid gave her last night. She'll be good as new in a few hours." Liz leaned in to get on eye-level with her sister. "Isn't that right?" she said in a voice you would use with a baby. "You're just a little fucked up cuz of the coke, huh?" She ruffled Patty's hair. "You liked it, didn't you?"

Patty nodded slowly with her mouth slightly agape as her whole body shook.

"See, she's fine."

"Hey, Black Star," Soul said to his friend with benefits. The assassin turned to him.

"Yeah?"

"Have you ever wondered what would happen if a dude farts while he's taking it up the butt?"

"What kind of fucked up question is that?" he practically shouted. "You shouldn't be farting while you're getting it up the butt! That's sick!"

"It's not like you can control it when you need to fart, it just happens!" Soul said angrily.

Black Star rolled his eyes. "Well, either way, nothing would happen, you dumbass! …It might feel good, though, for the pitcher, at least…"

"Kid's a player, big time," Liz said to Tsubaki. "Always finding new girls to flirt with…. See he's at it again."

"Wow, Kid really seems to like Maka," Tsubaki said as they watched Kid dry-humping Maka against the wall across the hall.

"Oh, he's such a tease," Liz replied dreamily.

Soul snapped to attention as he realized what was going on. "Hey! He can't do that to _my_ partner!" he shouted in outrage. He marched over to where Kid was subtly flirting with his meister and grabbed him by the shoulder. "Hey, Kid! Go dry-hump your own partner!"

"Oh, I did last night," he replied coolly and gave a cocky grin. "Except it wasn't so dry."

"Get away from Maka, she's _my _partner!"

"Oh, really? I don't see your name on her," Kid retorted.

"I guess we'll just have to fix that, won't we?" he said, unzipping his pants.

"W-what are you doing?" Kid asked uncertainly.

"I'm making sure you never touch my bitch again, you asshole!"

"Soul seems rather agitated," Tsubaki said as she and the group watched the scenario unfolding. "I hope he doesn't do anything foolish."

Black Star laughed. "Ha! My Soul always does something foolish. I've taught him well, just watch."

Soul turned to Maka with his pants unzipped and pulled out his dick. He aimed carefully and fired, spelling his name out on her body in wet letters.

"There, Bitch, you're mine! Ain't nobody gonna steel you from me!" he screamed and turned to Kid. "You happy? _Are you happy? _My name's on her now, isn't it? _Isn't it?_"

Maka was staring at him in wide-eyed shock and Kid was glaring icily at him. After a second, though, he dropped his gaze. "Alright, alright, she's yours… And you're right. I shouldn't be humping your partner and I'd like to apologize by inviting you… and Black Star… to The Greasy Muffin tonight."

Soul blinked. " The Greasy…? You mean the strip club?" he asked in confusion. "You'd really like us to come with you?"

"Yes, if you'd like to… I'd like to make this up to you," he said bashfully.

"I—I'd love to… Thanks, Kid."

"It's my pleasure," he said holding up a hand. They both started heading back to the rest of the group leaving Maka standing by the wall covered in piss.

_What the _fuck_ just happened? _

**At lunch…**

The group was all sitting around a table eating and having regular conversations…

"I'm sorry I peed on you, Maka, I was just, you know, in the heat of the moment and all," Soul apologized to his partner. "Just something about seeing Kid hump you like that really struck a chord with me, you know? I promise it won't happen again."

Maka sighed. She didn't know why she put up with all this pervy shit from her friends. "It's okay, Soul, I know you didn't mean to do it so… all over my body," she finished awkwardly.

"I'll find a way to make it up to you, I swear."

"N-no, Soul, you don't have to." She could only imagine the creepy failure of a way he would think of to make up for this.

"I'd like to. I'm going to."

She sighed, well, more of a groan. "Fine."

"Hey, Soul," Black Star whispered suddenly.

"What?"

"I, uh, brought the video camera today if you wanted to go… u-use it," he said nervously.

"A camera? What do you guys need a video camera for?" asked Liz.

The two boys clamored for an explanation.

"U-um, we—"

"We were going to…."

"An extra credit project!" Soul practically screamed, flustered. The others all stared at him, puzzled by his unusual behavior. "It-it's—"

"It's something for Stein," Black Star jumped in. "He wanted us to take a video of ourselves… n-naked…"

"Oh," everyone said, unconcerned.

"You should have just said so," Liz said.

"Well, I'm glad you two are keeping on top of your work," Maka said.

They nodded. "Yeah," said Black Star. "Um, we've got to go…"

"To the bathroom!" Soul finished. It wasn't a lie. None of it was, really, except for the part about Stein asking for it.

The two boys jumped up and practically ran to the bathroom and into a handicapped stall (since they're the biggest). They locked the door and made sure no one else was in the bathroom. Not that it really mattered.

"Okay, are you ready for this?" Soul asked.

"I think so," Black Star answered as he pulled a video camera out of his bag.

A few seconds later…

"Oh, _YEAH!_ Ride me harder, you pussy! Get it in deep!" Soul screamed at the top of his lungs. Little did they know, the whole cafeteria could hear their shouts flowing from the bathroom. Not that anyone really cared or paid attention.

**Meanwhile…**

"Fuck me like you'd fuck your own ass-hole!" came Soul's echoed cry into the cafeteria.

"Oh, I wonder if they know we can all hear them," Tsubaki said.

"Probably not," Kid answered, "but they can get pretty loud sometimes."

"So, Soul and Black Star fuck each other in the bathrooms?" Maka asked in surprise. "I never knew they were so close, I thought they were straight!"

"They're bisexual," Kid corrected with a bored expression. "They can swing for both teams…. Liz, come sit in my lap, you sexy bitch."

"Yes, Kid! Right away!" Liz said and scrambled to reach her destination.

"Well, I guess that's lucky," Maka said. "Swinging for both teams is pretty fun…"

**And so they continue…**

"Take my dick like a man, you sex-freak! Don't complain!" Black Star chided as he fervently laid into Soul.

Between shouts Soul said, "Hey… Black Star?"

"What is it, Soul? Can't you see I'm busy?"

"I just—agh!—I think I need to fart!"

"God, dude, that's gross!" he grunted as he continued to pitch. "Just hold it in! …Wait, no… just do it! Remember I said it might feel good?"

"Yeah, I remember, but… I can't do it, you're gonna have to stop!"

"What? Stop?! There's no way I'm stopping this fuck-party!"

"But, Black Star-!"

"I said no! Just hold it in like a man!"

Soul screamed then sighed. He'd just have to wait it out.

"Can you handle this dick!? Do you like this, little death-scythe?! You like having me up your ass-hole, huh?! Do you?!"

A few minutes later…

"Whoo! Yeah, Bitch, YEAH! Yahoo!" Black Star screamed as he was finally about to pull out.

Soul could feel things bubbling inside him… Something was about to go horribly wrong…

Black Star pulled out and suddenly everything came to the surface. Soul farted. Big time. And everything, EVERYTHING, came out.

A mixture of cum and shit erupted from his ass-hole drenching Black Star in its fury. The boys both stood there in shock and Soul straightened up from his leaning position.

"What the _FUCK_, Man!" Black Star roared. He seemed very upset.

"It's not my fault, it's yours!" Soul yelled. "For not letting me stop and take care of it!"

"Well, fuck that shit! … I guess it _is_ kinda my fault," he admitted quietly.

"Damn straight!"

Black Star wiped some of the shit off his face. "Well, _that_ certainly didn't feel good."

**After school…**

"That's right. I'm a sexy bitch, that's what I am," Soul said to himself as he looked at his reflection in the floor-length mirror in his room. He had dressed himself in his sexy black cat outfit that he only used for special occasions. The black body suit was a bit of a bitch to put on since it was made for a woman's build, but he managed somehow.

He took out some red lipstick and smeared it on his lips, carefully painting them, and struck a pose. "That's right, you smoking hot ass-hole, work it!"

His stilettos were hard to walk in, but he had gotten used to them by now, and managed to avoid tripping over himself as he did a diva walk across his room.

Suddenly the door of his room slammed open and he saw Maka standing there with a bewildered look on her face. "What the _fuck_ are you doing in here?!" she asked.

"Don't you ever knock?!" Soul yelled. He sighed as Maka continued to stare him down. "I'm getting ready for tonight, you know, since I'm going to that strip club with Kid and Black Star. This is kind of like my get psyched outfit."

Maka's mouth was open and she quickly closed it when she realized so. "Why is it a cat outfit? Aren't those usually for, you know, women?"

"So what if it is? I can be a lady if I want to." He crossed his arms.

"U-uh-uh. S-sure, yeah, I guess. Just… leave the sexy black cat bit to Blair. Please?" she pleaded.

"I wear this all the time; I'm not going to stop! You should just learn to knock before you come barging into my room!"

"Fine, fine! I'll knock next time. Honestly, I should know better by now, knowing you."

"Yes, you should," he huffed. "Is there something you wanted, by the way? Did you come in here for a reason?"

"I… I forgot," she mumbled.

"Yeah," Soul said as he turned back to the mirror. "I'd forget, too, if I was bombarded with all this." He winked at his reflection. "Aw, yeah, baby."

**Meanwhile…**

_I'm sexy and I know it… _

The song blared out from the speakers in Black Star's room as he, too, got himself psyched for that night.

"I'm sexy and I know it!" He shouted as he pelvic thrust to the beat.

The music was so loud that he couldn't hear the door click open as Tsubaki peaked her head into his room.

"Black Star?" she called timidly.

He saw her and rushed to pause the music. "Oh, hey, Tsubaki," he said casually. "What's up?"

She opened the door a little wider and entered the room. "I was just… Are you sure you really want to go to that strip club tonight? I mean I could just do a private show for you here right now instead."

"Oh!" Black Star considered this. "I love your dancing, Tsubaki, but I already told the guys I would, and I've also been wanting to see this strip club for a while now." He saw her bite her lip. "I hope you don't get too jealous," he said, "I mean I know I'm delicious, but I'll save some time for you." He winked.

"That isn't it at all," she muttered to herself. To Black Star she said, "Um, okay, I won't get too jealous…"

"Good." He grinned. "Now, if you could leave, please, I have some business to attend to."

"Uh, alright," she said and backed out of the room.

He turned the music back on and started rubbing his chest. "Fuck, YEAH, I'm sexy!"

**Meanwhile… **

"This feels so wrong!" Kid's cry echoed down the hallway.

Liz sighed. "Oh, he's at it again," she said to Patty as they sat in the dining room. "Every time he tries to jack off he always gets weirded out by it." She shook her head. "He's just so used to having girls take care of it all for him."

"Kiddo sure is a strange one!" Patty agreed. "Why don't you help him, sis? It might be easier for him."

"No, I asked him and he said it was something he had to do on his own." She shrugged. "I guess it's a guy thing. He said he was getting ready for the strip club tonight."

"Oh." Patty's eyes widened. "I've never been to a strip club before! Do you think I could go with him?"

"No, Patty," Liz said sliding her hand down her face. "You can't go with them."

"Why not?" she pouted.

"Are you attracted to women?"

"I don't think so."

"Well, then you wouldn't like the strip club."

"Oh, okay."

"Liz!" Kid called from his bedroom. "Get me some more tissues! And lotion!"

"Coming, Kid!" she called back. "I'd better help him. He sounds panicked."

**That night…**

"Would you guys like some ecstasy?" Kid asked Soul and Black Star to break the ice as they reached the front doors of The Greasy Muffin.

"Um, no thanks, Kid." "Yeah, I'm good." The boys both refused uneasily.

"Alright then, more for me I guess," he said awkwardly as they entered the club. He pulled out a bag of colorful round pills and popped one in his mouth. "That should start working in about 20 minutes."

"Uh…" The other two boys glanced at him anxiously, but stopped as they realized exactly _where they were_.

There were hot chicks everywhere. Some were busy wrapped around poles (there were 3 poles in the place all on stages) and others were in skimpy outfits (well actually every girl was in a skimpy outfit) serving tables and some of the men sitting on couches placed around the place. There seemed to be a special curtained-off section in the back where a man walked out with a stripper looking dazed.

"That's where they give private dances," Kid said apparently noticing the other two staring. Soul blinked and looked at him.

"You, uh, come here often I'm guessing?" he asked.

"Oh, yes, all the time," Kid said nonchalantly. "I know the manager personally and he always hooks me up with his best girls." He shrugged at their baffled looks. "What?"

"N-nothing," Soul stuttered. "It's just…"

"We've never been to a strip club before," Black Star finished for him.

"Oh, I see." Kid grinned. "I guess I'll have to show you the ropes, then."

A few minutes later…

"Tell that bitch to ride it good," Kid whispered to Black Star as they sat on a couch close to one of the stages and watched a girl shaking her ass.

"What? No, I'm not doing that!" he whispered back feeling jittery.

"If you do it you might enjoy yourself more," Kid said and sat up straight reaching into his pocket. "You need to lighten up… Do you want some of my cocaine?" He pushed a bag of white powder towards Black Star.

"No! I don't want any of your God damn cocaine!" he replied angrily pushing the bag away.

Kid shrugged. "Suit yourself." He stuck his nose in the bag and snorted some up. Black Star and Soul stared at him in horror. He pulled himself out of the bag and came out with most of his face covered in white. "Whoo!" he yelled. "That's some good shit!" He slammed his body back onto the couch.

"D-don't you usually need to separate that?" Soul asked nervously. "You know, so you can take a little at a time?"

"Pfft, no!" Kid answered loudly. "I can take as much as I want!"

"Aren't you already on ecstasy?" Black Star asked shakily, raising his hand.

"Yeah, so? That don't matter!" he shouted. He seemed to be losing it. He put his hand in Black Star's hair and rubbed his face and arms. Star swatted him away.

"What the fuck are you doing, man?" he asked, slightly creeped out.

"Have you ever been on ecstasy?" Kid asked, but in a rhetorical way. "Everything feels amazing!" He threw his hands in the air. "You sure you don't want to try some?" he asked while he brought his hands back down.

The boys hesitated, and then Soul answered, "Um, maybe some other time, Kid."

"Sure, whatever," he said and sniffed. He wiped some of the coke off his face and sat up straight again. "Let's go get lap dances!" he shouted suddenly.

"U-um…"

"Uh…"

"Come on, it'll be great!" Kid persuaded. "Why go to a strip club if you're not going to enjoy the strippers?"

"Um, sure, Kid," Black Star said uncomfortably. "We can do that."

"Great!" he said and stood. He waved for them to do the same. "Follow me!"

Several moments later…

"I wonder which chicks they're going to send in this time," Kid thought aloud. "I've gotten a dance from about every girl in this place," he said proudly.

"Um, that's great, Kid," Soul said awkwardly. "I-I guess…"

"Sure is!"

The curtain rustled slightly and was then pulled aside revealing three girls standing there, two of which happened to be Maka and Tsubaki. Soul and Black Star's mouths dropped, but Kid calmly said, "Hello Maka; Tsubaki… _Christine_." He winked at the last girl who giggled.

"W-what are _you_ doing here?!" Soul asked in bewilderment. Tsubaki and Maka looked uncomfortable.

"We're just doing our jobs," Tsubaki said defensively, but she looked embarrassed.

"Kid?" Black Star turned to him. "You knew they worked here and you didn't tell us? Why didn't you tell us?!" He was almost panicking.

Kid shrugged. "I didn't think it was important. It's not like you've never seen them get dirty before, right?"

The other boys were speechless. The girls all walked up to them (Maka to Soul, Tsubaki to Black Star, and the so-called Christine to Kid) and sat on their laps, all straddling each boys hips with their legs.

"S-so, this is awkward, huh?" Soul laughed nervously to Maka as she put her small boobs to his face.

"Just shut up and let me do my job, Soul!" she replied viciously.

"Okay, okay!" he replied meekly.

"Work it, bitch!" Kid shouted, clearly enjoying himself. He was on ecstasy, after all. He rubbed his hands over her torso and turned to Soul on his left. "Technically there's a 'just look don't touch' policy for these dances, but Christine here knows I mean well." He grinned at her and placed a twenty in her cleavage.

"Oh, thank you, Lord Death the Kid!" she squealed.

"Of course, Doll."

Soul turned back to Maka. "Can I…?"

"No!"

He shrunk back. "Alright! That's cool!"

Black Star on Kid's right was feeling very uncomfortable as Tsubaki's massive chest rubbed against his cheek. Pole dances and lap dances were worlds apart and he could feel his hard-on becoming more and more stiff as she rubbed against it.

Even still, he reached for his wallet and placed several ones down her panties. She smiled at him sweetly and he blushed.

"See?" Kid continued to Soul. "Now Maka's all yours! And maybe some of the other guys' she's danced for tonight."

Soul only nodded feeling too awkward to talk, but apparently Kid was having no trouble.

"You enjoying yourself, Black Star?" he asked the very embarrassed assassin. "Your partner giving it to you good?" Star nodded and covered his burning face with his hand. "That's good, I mean, that's what we're paying them for, right?" The other two were beginning to nod before Kid suddenly screamed, "Whoo! That's what I'm talking about! Ride me bitch, yeah!" He stood up and tackled his stripper to the ground.

The other two boys continued to sit in their chairs with feelings of bewilderment as they watched Kid hump Christine. Apparently this was the norm for Kid at the club because Maka and Tsubaki paid no attention to the incredibly horny and drugged up reaper as he lay on top of Christine licking her cleavage.

"Um, shouldn't we stop him?" Black Star asked uncomfortably.

"They'll be fine," Maka answered him.

"Yes," Tsubaki agreed, "This happens all the time. Kid's quite the infamous playboy."

"Well, yeah, we learned that today," Soul said, "but isn't that against some policy or something?"

Both girls shrugged. "She doesn't seem to mind," Maka said. "Kid does this all the time; it's normal."

"Um, okay." The boys settled back awkwardly in their seats, but began to feel very uncomfortable when Kid started taking off his clothes. The smell of sex was in the air. Great.

**Later…**

"Wasn't that fan-fucking-tastic, you guys?!" Kid shouted once they had gotten out of the club. Soul and Black Star each had one of Kid's arms wrapped around their shoulders and were helping the stumbling boy walk straight.

"Um, sure, Kid, it was great," Soul lied. "Now let's get you home."

Kid stopped. "No way!" he said. "I'm too pumped up to go back home! I'm going to my orgy house down the street." He jabbed his thumb in the direction of the sex-house.

"_My _orgy house?" Black Star echoed. "You mean you _own_ that place?"

"Well, sure," Kid answered. "That place has been in my family for years! My Dad owned it before me." He sniffed. There was still a little white powder under his nose from when he took a second snort of coke. "Do you guys wanna come?" he asked excitedly. "There's always a few pieces of hot tail down there if you wanna come check it out!"

"Uh, maybe some other time, Kid." "Yeah, not tonight." The boys refused awkwardly.

"Alright, whatever." He sniffed again. "Well, I'll see you guys later, then."

"See ya, Kid." "Yeah, later." The boys said as they watched Kid stumble down the road, bump into a wall, keep walking, trip, and then roll himself on his side down to the orgy house.

"Oh, God, I hope he'll be okay," Soul said.

Black Star shrugged. "I guess we'll see on Monday."

"Yeah," Soul said as the two started walking in the opposite direction of Kid and his raunchy sex-house. "So, what did you want to do for the rest of the night? Were you just going home?"

"No, I don't think I want to go home tonight. I can't get Tsubaki's lap dance outta my head; I think it would be awkward." He shuddered. "Can I stay with you and Maka tonight? Or is it too short notice?"

"Nah, it'll be fine. We could watch a movie together. If you want," he asked shyly.

"That would be great. What movie?"

"Well…."

At the house…

"Channing Tatum is so hot in this movie!" Black Star shouted while Soul put Magic Mike into the DVD player. "Oh, god, I'm gettin' horny just thinking about it!"

"Me, too," Soul said and laughed. "And we just came back from a strip club!"

"That doesn't mean anything. I never run outta juice!"

Soul grinned and sat next to Black Star on the sofa. "I wonder how Kid is doing at the orgy house."

Kid…

"This is a special move I learned on my trip to Italy. They really like to get kinky there," Kid said while he winked at the chick underneath him.

"Oh, you're such an animal Lord Death the Kid!"

"And don't you forget it," Kid said. "Now hows bout you fuck me like Amazon monkey?"

Back to Magic Mike…

"Who cares?" Black Star said. "I bet he's having the time of his life. Oh, quiet, the movie's starting!"

The door to the apartment opened suddenly and Maka stepped into view. "What are you guys doing in here?" she asked.

"Have fun at work?"

She frowned. "Seriously, I thought you guys would be done for the night what with Kid all coked up and stuff."

"I didn't want to go back home." Black Star shrugged.

"We're just watching a movie," Soul answered her previous question. "Nothing special."

"Oh, well, what movie?"

"Um…"

"It's just…"

"It's a guy thing," Black Star said. "You wouldn't like it."

"Yeah, it's got all kinds of cool guy things… and stuff…"

Maka looked between the two. "It's Magic Mike, isn't it?"

"What?! No…"

"Ha ha, you're so crazy!"

"Yeah, whatever... You know the only people that would watch that movie are gay men amd horny old ladies?" She sighed as the two boys stared at her in terror. "Just don't stay up too late banging each other's brains out. I need to sleep, you know." She walked off and the boys sat there in shock.

"She knows!" Black Star whispered worriedly.

"Who else do you think does?"

"Oh, I don't know. I don't know!"

FREAK OUT!

**The next morning…**

Soul woke up groggily and rolled off the couch where he and Black Star had slept. After taking a long look at his still sleeping companion he stood up and walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Maka was already in there sitting at the table drinking coffee and vodka.

"Isn't it a little early for alcohol?" Soul teased as he sat at the table next to her.

She shrugged. "Gotta find something to keep the tears away. Did you and Black Star have fun last night?" She grinned.

Soul turned red. "It was fine. How did you find out about us, anyway?"

She smirked at him. "You know everyone heard you when you fucked in the cafeteria bathroom? You guys were really loud."

"We were?! Wow, that's kinda embarrassing."

"No kidding."

Soul sighed. "Hey, don't tell Black Star, but I tea-bagged him in his sleep."

She giggled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Hey, good morning you guys," Black Star said as he came into the kitchen. Even in the morning he was loud.

"Morning," Soul said with a smile.

"Hey, Black Star, your lover tea-bagged you in the night," Maka said with a wicked grin.

"Hey!" Soul yelled, hurt. "You said you wouldn't tell him!"

"Oopsy, it just slipped out."

"Really, Soul?!" Black Star said while his face turned crimson. "You should've at least asked for my permission!"

"Would I have had your permission?"

"…Yes."

"Case closed." He crossed his arms.

Black Star sighed and turned to Maka. "Since when do you know about me and Soul?"

Soul answered. "She heard us going at it in the cafeteria bathroom. _Apparently _we were really loud," he said in mild agitation. "I thought we were relatively quiet."

Maka made a small choking noise. "You guys were screaming your heads off! There was nothing quiet about it!"

"Yeah, whatever," both boys said. Black Star sat at the table next to Soul. "So what's for breakfast?" he asked.

Maka groaned. "I'm too drunk to make breakfast! Have some cereal or something."

Black Star banged his fist on the table. "I demand that you make me breakfast!"

"Not happening!" Maka said firmly as the doorbell rang. "Soul, go get the door."

"But—"

"I'm too drunk!"

"Fine!" He stood up.

"Hey, I'll come with you!" Black Star said and followed Soul to the door.

Soul looked through the peephole. "It's Kid," he said. "And some girl…."

"Oh, God, what do you think he wants?"

"Well, hopefully not a three-way or something. I'm totally not up for that right now." He opened the door slowly. "Hey, Kid…. and hooker," he said as he glanced at the girl rubbing herself against Kid's skinny frame.

"Hello, Soul; Black Star," he said nodding to each of them.

"We're not in for a foursome right now, Kid," Black Star shouted to the reaper.

"Er, right. Well, that's actually not why I'm here," Kid said, casually grabbing his lady-friend's bosom. "I actually came to invite you all to a party I'm throwing at my manor tonight."

"Wha's all this then?" Maka said in a mildly British accent as she stumbled up to the door.

"Oh, hello, Maka," Kid said taking in her disheveled appearance. "I came to invite you guys to a party but it seems you've already started one for yourself."

"Whaaa? Oh, this's nothing," she said slurring her words. "I jus had a lil bitta vodka with my coffee tha's all." She wiped some drool off her chin.

"Wonderful, then I hope you all will attend?"

"We'll be there, Kid," Soul said as he and Black Star helped the falling Maka stay on her feet.

"Excellent, I'll see you at 8," Kid said with a wave as he and the prostitute turned to leave.

Soul closed the door.

"Wow, barely eight in the morning and Kid's already got a girl hanging off him," Black Star said in awe. "I wonder how he does it."

Soul shrugged. "It's probably because he owns that orgy house. C'mon, help me get her in bed." Maka had passed out and was hanging limply in the boys' arms.

"Yeah, sure," Star said. "Hey, let's have some get-psyched sex," he suggested, "you know to get pumped for the party."

"I'm game if you are," Soul grinned as he tossed Maka onto her bed making her fall in a crumpled mess. "She won't wake up for another hour or so, so I think we'll have enough time for some hanky panky."

"Awesome! I just need to do something first."

"Alright, don't take too long. I'll be waiting," Soul said turning to leave.

"Yeah, I'll be there soon," Black Star said watching him go.

Soul went out of Maka's room and into his own where their love-making would take place. He was about to sit on the bed when he remembered that he had left his handcuffs and whip in the other room. Shit couldn't get kinky without the proper equipment.

The door of the room was slightly ajar and he walked in without hesitation… Only to find Black Star clutching the shaft of his dick and inserting it into what looked to be a penis pump. Soul's jaw dropped.

"W-what?! What are you doing? Is that a penis pump?!" He was shocked. Lying about the carpet matching the drapes was one thing, but lying about penis size was a whole other level.

Black Star looked up at Soul in horror, dropping the pump and trying to cover his surprisingly small dick. "Soul! I'm sorry! I never meant to lie to you I just thought it would be cool to have a bigger dick, that's all!"

"You lied to me! I thought you were 9 inches all this time and now I find out that you just use a penis pump?! What the hell is wrong with you? How big are you really?" he asked. He was furious and his lover looked at him uncomfortably. He seriously looked afraid.

"I-I'm three and a half inches," he mumbled quietly.

"What was that? I didn't quite hear you," Soul said cupping his hand to his ear. "How small is your dick?"

"Three and a half inches!" Black Star yelled, looking close to tears. "Don't make me say it again!" Soul walked up to his friend and punched him on the shoulder. "Ow! Hey, I said I was sorry, okay? What else do you want from me?"

Soul considered for a moment. "Make-up sex. Now. Pump that dick up and meet me on the floor."

The blue-haired boy stared at him in confusion. "In Maka's room? What if she wakes up?"

"She won't. She's passed out cold; we'll be okay."

"Um, okay," he said uncertainly.

A few seconds later…

"Oh, you like that, huh? It's a good thing I blow my cock up like a balloon for you, isn't it?" Black Star shouted as he humped Soul against Maka's bed. She was still sleeping and snoring, but they were both shockingly close to her at the moment.

"Yes! Yes, it's better this way! Never let me see your cock un-pumped again!" Soul screamed as he accidently shoved his dick in Maka's peaceful sleeping face. She rolled away from him and continued to snore. "Now ride me like a merry-go-round, you hot piece of shit!"

"With pleasure!" he thrust hard into his partner making him howl like a wild dog.

"Make it hurt, you pussy!" Soul screamed. His eyes were closed and either way he would have been too busy enjoying his fuck to notice Maka squirm in the bed and sit up.

She turned to see the source of the grunting that had awakened her. "What the FUCK are you guys doing?! God, in my room? Did you really have to do it next to me?!" she yelled in irritation. The boys stopped their rough-play and stared at Maka in shock.

"You said she wouldn't be awake for at least an hour!" Black Star said in panic.

"I thought she would be!"

"Hey, stop talking like I'm not here!" Maka interrupted them angrily. "Why the hell did you guys do it in my room?"

The boys stammered as they tried to get their explanation straight.

"Well, I found out he uses a penis pump—"

"And the anger—"

"Make-up sex, we needed—"

"He said right now—"

"I thought you wouldn't be up for an hour!" Soul finished frantically.

Maka just stared at them like she was confused. "Never mind," she said. "I don't want an explanation anymore just get the fuck out." The boys nodded. Soul raised his hand. "What?" Maka asked sharply.

"C-can we still have sex in my room?"

Maka rolled her eyes. "Yeah, I guess. Just keep it quiet, okay? You guys are really loud."

"Yes! We can do that." The guys nodded enthusiastically and then Soul asked, "Do you want to join us? You wouldn't have to worry about the noise."

She glared at him. "Makaaaaa CHOP!"

Soul clutched his now bruised head. "Okay, so is that a 'maybe some other time'?"

"Get out!"

"Alright, that's cool!"

"Yeah, see you later!"

The boys ran out of the room shutting the door behind them. Maka sighed in relief.

_Good, they're gone. Now time for some of my own naughty business._

"Tsubaki, you can come out of the closet now!"

The raven-haired girl opened Maka's closet door, stepped out and smiled. "You know, it might not be so bad to join them," she said.

"Yeah, I know," Maka admitted. "But I didn't want to give them the satisfaction today… Maybe some other time…"

**Later at Kid's Manor…**

"Absolutely perfect," Kid said as he admired the identical twin sisters he was groping. "Everything about your physical appearance is symmetrical down to your breast size and the shape of your labia! Pure bliss! I've only ever dreamed of a moment like this!"

"Hey, Kid!" Liz called from the doorway. "You really should be getting things ready for the party tonight, shouldn't you?"

"Liz!" he whined. "I'll do that later! This is a very critical moment in my young adult life! There is perfect symmetry to behold at this moment and I get to screw them both! At the same time! It is crucial that you understand this."

Liz rolled her eyes. "Fine, whatever, but when you're done with them you better come and help with the preparations."

"Yes, alright. But there's already enough ecstasy, isn't there? And cocaine? We don't really have much to prepare."

"Well, what about the drinks? Not everybody's into your little drugs, Kid. And food, too, we need that. People get hungry, you know." She crossed her arms.

"Fine, fine! Just give me a second, okay?" he said in irritation. "… Why would anyone dislike my drugs?"

Liz sighed. "I don't know, Kid," she said turning to leave. "Not everyone's as crazy as you are."

"Damn straight!" he shouted as she closed the door behind her. "Well, ladies, would you like to put those symmetrical pussies on my asymmetrical cock?"


End file.
